I don’t know where I got the guts from, but on the way home from where we spent Shabbos, while the kids were sleeping in the back, I told my wife about my beliefs about Torah (man-made) and God (I don’t believe in the God of the Torah but I do believe in some Higher Power (the way Einstein and Spinoza did).
And I really wasn’t ready for my wife’s understanding reaction: She confided with me that she has also recently been bothered by the fact that she does many things only because she is afraid of other people. She strongly believes in Judaism and that Hashem has a hand in everything, but it appears she could definitely handle living a lighter version of Judaism on the long term and that she could live with such a husband. She did say that she was a bit sad about me not sharing my feelings with her beforehand.
I assured her that I do not intend to ruin our marriage or to rock the boat with the outside world in the meantime. And that I would like to spend much more time reading up about all sorts of things. But that on the long term this will affect who we are friends with, where we send our kids to school, etc. And that I would try to be more open to her.
We did not manage to talk for too long and we will definitely continue this discussion for many sessions. But the assurance that my wife showed full understanding and that she was even willing to takes things a little more relaxed really did wonders for our relationship.
Now who would’ve expected that!