We had a friend over for Shabbos who is depressed because he is frum but had a non-religious girlfriend and broke up with her a few months ago because of their religious differences. But he still loves her.
I noticed he ate a banana before kiddush on Friday evening and didn’t daven kabbalat Shabbat, nor did he daven mincha / maariv, but he davened shacharis and musaf because he was asked to be a sheliach tzibbur in some shul.
On the way there (over an hour walk) we discussed everything but religious topics, despite the black hat.
I was very tempted to talk about OTD but did not want to give him any more problems, although he may be going through an OTD experience. The most I discussed with him about OTD is the book Foreskin’s Lament that I said I found to be very funny, explaining the story and hoping he would read it.
I wished sometimes I could be more honest about my feelings, but I also feel I need to protect others against it. Secretly, I hope he will go OTD and turn into a lively, stable and happy fellow. And perhaps he can then marry his girlfriend.
But I think that he can’t handle it for the moment. Who knows, perhaps one day I can help him. I would love to have a good OTD friend. At least he will have a safe haven where he can feel at home, where people don’t judge him and accept him for who he is. At least that,
send him a link to frum satire. He can make his own otd friends from the commenters there (and since he got the link from you, he'll know you are someone he can talk to about momentary lapses of emunah, etc.). That said, I met a guy I thought was modern (me being not even that, anymore), and hormones being attached to butterflies of the heart, was picturing myself keeping shabbos with him. So, um, the break-up's not about frumkeit. If you're head-over-heels for someone, lifestyle differences can be worked out.
ReplyDelete>I was very tempted to talk about OTD but did not want to give him any more problems, although he may be going through an OTD experience
ReplyDeleteMy wife and I are sort of going through the exact same thing with friends of ours, a couple. They're on the brink of doubt I think, but I'm not sure I'd be doing them any favors to introduce them to skepticism.
SB: Will do so, I am sure he'd like the site!
ReplyDeleteBHB: What makes you think they are on the brink (of sanity)? ;)