It is a problem that I know a lot of people are struggling with. No one wants to be insignificant. Everybody would like to believe that they are attaining something in life. That is wasn’t for nothing. To become immortal in some way. I guess it’s hardwired in our DNA.
Frum teenagers are taught that tzaddikim (righteous) are called chayim (‘alive’), even when they are dead. So I very much wanted to learn, to davven (pray), bring God’s light in the world and become a ‘gadol’ (great person).
With all respect to Reb Zusha, who taught us that we would not be asked after 120 years why he didn’t become like Moses but why he wasn’t Reb Zusha, still he was Reb Zusha and it neevertheless remained of utmost importance to try to be like Moses.
Little kids get a bib with the words ‘Little Tzaddik’ on it. How often did I not hear parents hope that their children become talmidei chachomim (sages) and in yeshivos there definitely is a pressure that you should strive to be perfect.
After the disillusion that my learning was just average, that I couldn’t become the tzaddik I wanted to become and that I knew I would want to earn a living for my family (which would mean that I would have to stop learning full-time somewhere down the line), I still had the feeling that I needed and wanted to do something grand for mankind.
Then reality slowly kicked in. I started working for a company where all I did was helping our IT department to be more efficient and save money for that firm. After a few years, this became rather depressive. I started thinking that my ambitions would never make me happy.
A job counselor was happy to help me out and subjected me to psychological tests. Although I did learn a bit more about myself, the only outcome was that I should start learning psychology at a university, approaching the forty with a wife and two kids. Hardly an option.
I have since told myself that the only way to be happier is to confront myself with myself and learn more about what I really want and what I really believe.
Every day, the belief that there is a potential in me, waiting to be unlocked, drills in my brain like Woody Woodpecker in a tree. But who says that this revelation will just happen to everyone?
Searching for a higher purpose in life is like a tattoo that, as you grow older, looks more wrinkled and pale.
I don’t mean to depress you, but I don’t think there is a higher purpose. The best we can do is enjoy whatever we have.
ReplyDeleteEven if you or I do something grandiose like bettering the condition of mankind, so what? The universe existed for billions of years before the first human evolved and will probably continue long after the last member of our species dies. In the grand scheme of things, we are truly insignificant.
I think we need to live for our lifetimes, enjoy what we have, and that has to be good enough.
I don't think Garnel liked the instructions I gave him on how to come out of the closet to his wife. XD
ReplyDeleteLoved this post. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteG3: I did not say there was. I just live with the burden of my upbringing.
ReplyDeleteSJ: Haha :)
OTD: Greatly appreciated!
imo, if you wake up after sleeping, it's 'cause you've still got some good left to do on this earth. the task is figuring out what that is and doing it. Someone's task might be to feed the hungry. One can do that by cooking or doing other foodservice-related things, or one can do that by making lots of money doing something else and donating money to help keep organizations that do the feeding going. Or by giving a group use of a space in which to feed people. There are many ways to help.
ReplyDeleteI believe immortality is achieved by sharing with people (wisdom, knowledge, etc.), passing stuff on that they can also pass on.
It's hard to say if man has a "higher purpose". But I think we'd all do well to enjoy life and be as productive in that life as possible.
ReplyDeleteMy dream and mission is to teach economics so that I can give over knowledge to others about the way the world works. I also want to have a family, be financially secure and try to maintain some sort of Jewish identity.
These are my goals. When a person has goals, he will not worry as much about whether or not he's fulfilling a "higher purpose".
s.b.: i am way too down-to-earth for these philosophical lines. I guess I just became suspicious of philosophy without proof in the meantime.
ReplyDeleteTova: I would agree. But it is still a tattoo that I am wearing...I can't get over the thought. Don't know why.
in that case, I'd think it's fresh ink every day, if it's a constant search.
ReplyDelete