Since I have ‘outed’ to my wife a few months ago, there has been almost total radio silence on the issue of me losing my faith. I did not tell her about me eating treif outdoors (and indoors somewhat, but I don’t want to treif up the kitchen) and I guess that would be hard for her. but I also don’t want her to hear through someone else.
So I am wondering why she does not want to talk about this important issue.
I can think of some answers:
- She has to much on her head with the household, the kids, her 50% job, all sorts of other worries.
- She is happy for things to be a little less frum (remember, I was always the ‘shvartzer’ of the two).
- She is afraid that talking about it may make things worse.
- She just wants me to be happy. But then again, she knows it is a cause of unhappiness for me to live in both worlds.
- …
What do you, dear readers, think?
She may be secretly delighted at your rebellion, wishing to engage in a little apostasy herself.
ReplyDeleteMaybe she's afraid to admit it?
Possibilities:
ReplyDelete- It's just easier to pretend your conversation never happened. That way nothing has to change. Change is scary.
- She's still letting it sink in and doesn't yet know how she feels.
- She's scared that talking about it will cause stress, etc.
- She's tentatively questioning everything she thought she believed in.
Talking to her worked really well last time. Do your kids have grandparents they can go to for shabbos, or something, to give the two of you some alone time to talk about this (or at least provide a window of opportunity when theoretically you could)? If there are any ways in which you can lighten her household load, I don't know a woman who wouldn't appreciate that more than, say, flowers (not that there's anything wrong with flowers).
ReplyDeleteif she's anything like my parents, she's completely in denial that the conversation every happened and one day when she finds out you're not frum anymore (for the second time) she will act completely surprised and shocked. Denial is a powerful thing. Then again, you know her better than me, and she might not be like my parents.
ReplyDelete