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Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Chinuch Angst

Yesterday, my wife and I decided against sending our child to the haredi school in our area and to sign our big son up for the local Jewish primary school that has a better chol program although their kodesh program sucks (even the headmaster admitted that his son needed extra lessons!).

Now, although I am an undercover kofer, I still don't want my son to be a 'boor veam haaretz', especially since I respect my wife and we sort of agreed to keep a minimum standard of yiddishkeit at home.

Of course, we are aware of the possible repercussions if our son gets accepted (which is most likely). We already had people come up to us with unsolicited advise, emotional pleas and high expectations. Most likely, this will change our social landscape and although I think it is all right, still, I am afraid to lose people I was very friendly with and for the unknown in the more snobbish, less frum crowd.

Also, we are slightly anxious about the fact that our son will now be confronted with many ‘foreign’ ideas (which is good!) and that I would need to deal with questions I'd prefer not to answer.

In any case, the social 'angst' that I have resulted in the following strange dream last night:

I was called up to the Torah in my old shul at home and before I was able to say anything, the congragation already replied. I was amazed and shrugged my shoulders, and then said "Borechu es Hashem hamevorach" and nobody responded.

I then looked around and suddenly saw that the paroches was taken off, the cover of the bimah was removed and people were sitting on the bare floor, as if it were Tisha be’Av and they were mourning for my soul.

I turned back to my father and he looked at me with a face that did not display any surprise, rather sympathy. I then asked: "This is a dream, isn't it?". And he replied "yes".

I then woke up in a worried state of mind. Not for being afraid to have taken the wrong decision but for that which lies ahead…

8 comments:

  1. Perhaps there's a question to be considered: if your friends will desert you because of your educational choice- are they your friends?
    Additionally, if they choose to shun you over such a personal matter- aren't they snobs as well?

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  2. Seems like you are fearful that your choice of primary school (which is still Jewish!!?!) will unmask your kefira.

    Sorry to hear.

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  3. You are (relatively) lucky - my kids are soooo deep in the system that to even move to a SLIGHTLY more open environment would be disastrous for them and their social status... especially considering how many kids I have... :(

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  4. Tova: Thanks!

    SY: Don't think they would be, just not looking forward to the headache.

    Solomon: Not sure how you meant 'sorry to hear'.

    Chay: Feel so sorry for you!!!

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  5. this will be the first of many stressful dreams in this process. but remember that dreams are the mind's way of exploring different ideas that are often not fully explored when in full wakefulness. and remember that those who are real friends will remain so, and that you're better off without the others.

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  6. Give them your affection no matter what route they take. The education you give them at home overshadows any institution

    PS: There is troll on JP's page (likely Garnel or SJ) using my name to portray me as some sort of islamofascist. If he comes here don't buy it. Check the ISP address

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