Yesterday, my wife and I decided against sending our child to the haredi school in our area and to sign our big son up for the local Jewish primary school that has a better chol program although their kodesh program sucks (even the headmaster admitted that his son needed extra lessons!).
Now, although I am an undercover kofer, I still don't want my son to be a 'boor veam haaretz', especially since I respect my wife and we sort of agreed to keep a minimum standard of yiddishkeit at home.
Of course, we are aware of the possible repercussions if our son gets accepted (which is most likely). We already had people come up to us with unsolicited advise, emotional pleas and high expectations. Most likely, this will change our social landscape and although I think it is all right, still, I am afraid to lose people I was very friendly with and for the unknown in the more snobbish, less frum crowd.
Also, we are slightly anxious about the fact that our son will now be confronted with many ‘foreign’ ideas (which is good!) and that I would need to deal with questions I'd prefer not to answer.
In any case, the social 'angst' that I have resulted in the following strange dream last night:
I was called up to the Torah in my old shul at home and before I was able to say anything, the congragation already replied. I was amazed and shrugged my shoulders, and then said "Borechu es Hashem hamevorach" and nobody responded.
I then looked around and suddenly saw that the paroches was taken off, the cover of the bimah was removed and people were sitting on the bare floor, as if it were Tisha be’Av and they were mourning for my soul.
I turned back to my father and he looked at me with a face that did not display any surprise, rather sympathy. I then asked: "This is a dream, isn't it?". And he replied "yes".
I then woke up in a worried state of mind. Not for being afraid to have taken the wrong decision but for that which lies ahead…