Two friends that I have come out to carefully avoid the subject like a plague and act as if nothing happened.
One is a longtime friend of mine who is modern orthodox but knows in his heart that he only keeps what he feels like (shabbos, kashrus, etc.). He is very self-righteous about kashrus, possibly because he once was a mashgiach and may have to again once he loses his managerial position that he mostly owes to his father-in-law.
He is the one who invites me to davven for the chagim in his institution and has asked me again to davven for the yamim noraim (and noraim they are!). Now am I crazy here or do you only ask deeply religious people that are fitting (‘hagun’) for this job? The only conclusion that I can draw is that he doesn’t really care, as long as I am not too open about my kofer thoughts so that he would be forced to turn his back on me.
Another friend is currently getting out of a depression. He’s got the right meds and he seems to be faring well: he cuts his hear, grooms his beard and wants to lose weight. He seems to be acting as everything is fine and, who knows, may join the shidduchim scene soon again.
One small caveat: he confided in me that he does not feel at home anymore in the frum world.
Now I don’t think you can wish these things away like that. I expect him to have a real breakdown soon and I hope it is just not as bad as last time where I had to bring him to hospital for an overdose on sleeping pills.
Sticking your head in the sand apparently is more comfortable than embracing the inevitable….
that guy who keeps inviting you to daven is trying to missionize you dude, he thinks if he keeps inviting you to daven with him you'll eventually realize that you actually like judaism. Or will at least have davened. Inviting you to religious events isn't "sticking his head in the sand" he knows exactly what he is doing, which is trying to get you to participate in more religious events.
ReplyDeleteHi AE, he's actually asked me to be a sheliach tzibbur and perhaps he hopes to keep my on 'the right track' by that, but he did the same thing before my 'kefirah', which makes me believe he just wants to go on with business as usual. Perhaps he thinks I will get 'normal' again. In any case, he has not in any way showed a desire to talk to me about it, which is strange for someone who is that close to me.
ReplyDeleteIts all about playing your card correctly. You can try manuevering him into a conversation about your doubts. For instance you can bring up the issue of how Genesis has babylonian loan words, why would that be if Moshe wrote it? And then you can lead it into a discussion of how our current Torah was written during the babylonian exile, hence Genesis even contains babylonian creation myths, etc etc.
ReplyDeleteDon't leave the conversation at you being a kofer, rather show him that its not possible for you not to be a kofer since you now have evidence that Torah is false. When people are show that you have geniune reasons for failing to meet the standards of the crowd, then they are more likely to heed your pleas.
>When people are show that you have geniune reasons for failing to meet the standards of the crowd, then they are more likely to heed your pleas.
ReplyDeleteNope they just let cognitive dissonance set in and accuse you of being lazy/confused